| It was so nice to go to Omaha with the family! so great to get out and do stuff together. Albert and I so many times are tag-teaming it and rarely get to do stuff *together* w/ kids not @ the house. We dropped off Hannah who will be going to preteen church camp in Oklahoma. We spent the night and a huge part of the Sabbath @ our long time friends house. Went to church. It was so great to see everyone again. It's been a long time. Before Sarah was born (who is now four) we took regular trips to Omaha to be with brethren. The sermon topic was depression. given by a man who just got in doctorate in counseling. not five minutes into it I was bawling. Not just from the topic but from just being @ this church that I love, listening to an awesome service, seeing old friends (some from when I was teen and before), having Albert there, okay some hormones are probably involved. I went downhill from there. realizations all kicking me in the butt at the same time. poor Albert had to witness it all. grief attack. cried much of the way home and to sleep last night. It was good to finally be able to open up to Albert. I just hope that it continues but fear it won't.
James is 14 years old today. I'm doing a good job of hiding it from the kids. it should be a great day. we have some pretty great things planned for later this afternoon.
Going to Omaha again next Sabbath to retrieve said girl. I hope I do better.
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| "My life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
-Edward in the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyers
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| When Hannah had her fourth birthday, I learned I was pregnant with Colton. Up till Micah Zachary was born/died that was my largest age span. Sarah is now four years and 2 months. So if I got pg right now, since Micah is gone, the age difference would be the largest in my family. I'm not planning more babies. but it was still a sad realization. like this no more baby thing might be real.
Took a nice long bath after supper last night where I was quickly joined by Sarah who talked about our very nice afternoon with S and her children at Fort Hartsuff. she went on and on about S's kids. naming them and talking about them being her best friends. S has a child Colton's age, one Sarah's age and one Micah's age. Not till the bath did I even think about this during the whole afternoon together. We would have had three common-aged children if Micah was still with us. Glad I didn't dwell on this during the outing.
Oprah the other day had on a couple who does 'interventions' with obese teens and parents. trying to uncover the underlying cause of their overeating. So they made them answer the following question, "if you really knew me you'd know that...." so I asked James and Hannah that question and they had superficial answers. James's was: "what I really like on my taco". Even though it seems trivial I guess he still has some anger towards me for ordering him the wrong stuff on his taco. It was lettuce. lol. I asked Albert the same question. answer: you already know everything about me. He reversed and I refused to answer. We were having a nice time enjoying a drink on the porch and I didn't want to spoil it. I think we need to have that conversation though. there is SO much to that answer.
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| for an awesome Christian friend who had a stillborn and Carri is still in ICU. see http://radicalchristiancrunchyknottymama.blogspot.com/ to see where to donate. There is also an auction being set up, if you have something you'd like to donate, details will be forthcoming.
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